The Great War.

[Steeleye]

While I'm on the subject of the 'Beastly Boche' (see the thread 'a serious question') and with the 100th Anniversary of the beginning of the Great War hoving into view with the inevitability of several million heavily armed Germans trampling all over 'poor little Belgium'.

It should be remembered that the Austrians aren't entirely without blame in the Nasty Europeans stakes. In fact I've been thinking that the Austrians have been giving the Germans a bad name for some time...after all Hitler was Austrian.

So let us not forget that the Great War was started because a fellow called Archie Duke shot an Ostrich because he was hungry.

Austria was also the only country during the Great War to achieve their War Aims and therefore won! They went into the war with the stated aim of destroying Serbia (and taking into account recent events in that part of the world who's to say they weren't wrong), which they did, I suspect, much to their own surprise.

However the real reason for this post was to post the following. Its been on the internet so I expect a lot of people have seen it before but it bears reposting.

The First World War explained as a pub fight...

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of the pub, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.

Austria demands that Serbia buys it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view

Britain recommends that everyone should calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can't afford to buy a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order and that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to and that Britain is looking at Germany too and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

[sebigboss79]

Sums it up nicely 

The point I would make is: Everybody wanted to show everyone else who is the boss. Since roundabout 1890 everyone was just waiting for the right opportunity.

What it achieved in the end is a direct route to WW2 and many more conflicts since then. Besides the still strong resentments against Germans I would like to point out that it was de Gaulle after he fought the Germans
was quick to ally with Adenauer less for being in a position to control the 'Boches' but to keep them away from the Americans (which de Gaulle despised).  Germans were offered twice a limited say in use of French nuclear weapons - both time we declined.

If you ask one of either country which other nation they feel closest to the name the other.

Having married a Chinese and living in Scotland I keep wondering why people cannot worry about their own mess first and get along with others. Seriously people. Simply do not bother others and they are mostly happy not to bother you. Yes there are exceptiosn where rule #2 come into force: Don't get mad, get even. Or in Admiral Fisher's words: Hit first, hit hard.

[seano1815]

  Never looked at it like that but as  sebigboss79 said sums it up nicely, just to add one thing. When Germany woke up rubbed its head was angry its pockets had been emptied and it had been blamed for the fight, and barred from the pub, thought good fight nobody said I was beaten.... so must have been a draw. Think I'll leave now, work out a bit.... then I'll come back
Have a great weekend
Sean

[Duke Speedy of Leighton]

There is a WWII version that's been doing the rounds,I'm sure it was posted here a while back...

[Ace of Spades]

Super!
Please don't forget the Dutch guy who's behind the bar, avoiding punches and keeps selling beer throughout! (Oh yeah, AND raises the prices all along )

Cheers,
Rob

[sebigboss79]

Super!
Please don't forget the Dutch guy who's behind the bar, avoiding punches and keeps selling beer throughout! (Oh yeah, AND raises the prices all along )

Cheers,
Rob

[Leman]

Wish I'd access to this when I was teaching History.

[Leon]

Please don't forget the Dutch guy who's behind the bar, avoiding punches and keeps selling beer throughout! (Oh yeah, AND raises the prices all along )

[howayman]

But earlier the French and British were spoiling to fight each other over a bird called Egypt and the Germans were offering to hold their coats.

[Fenton]

Super!
Please don't forget the Dutch guy who's behind the bar, avoiding punches and keeps selling beer throughout! (Oh yeah, AND raises the prices all along )

Cheers,
Rob

Did the bar have rooms to rent that would suit an unemployed monarch?

[Ace of Spades]

Absolutely; not even just 'Royal' but Imperial suites!
Ideal to take a rest after a long, hard, and may I add, lost war eh... so sorry Your Highness, pub fight!

Cheers,
Rob

[OldenBUA]

Absolutely; not even just 'Royal' but Imperial suites!
Ideal to take a rest after a long, hard, and may I add, lost war eh... so sorry Your Highness, pub fight!

Although if you show up with 17 pieces of luggage it may happen that it will prove to be a bit cramped!

[Ace of Spades]

Don't worry; we'll get you a free Imperial Upgrade and fix you with a nice little chateau sir!

[OldenBUA]

Don't worry; we'll get you a free Imperial Upgrade and fix you with a nice little chateau sir!

In that case travelling with several wagon loads shouldn't be a problem!

And yes, I've been to Huis Doorn, it's absolutely stacked to the rafters!

http://www.huisdoorn.nl/eng/

[Ace of Spades]

Somehow I had the feeling you had been OldenBUA
Next year tehy're planning a WW-1 event on the premises; more or less a first for the Netherlands; could be worthwhile...
I'll probably be there in my French uniform.

Cheers,
Rob