Simple Home Remedies

[Chad]

1.  AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2.  AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3.  FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.  REMEMBER TO SET A TIMER.

4.  A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5.  IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES; THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6.  YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.  IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.  IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7.  IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

[Steve J]

Very good .

[Techno]

Nice ones Chad.  
The old saying of....If in doubt...Give it a clout, springs to mind for number 7.
For number one.....If you've used the most super-sharp kitchen knife and put it in the washing up bowl...Don't forget it's in there under the suds and don't try and pick it up by the blade.
I speak from experience.  
Cheers - Phil.

[Orcs]

2.  AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

As I live in a house full of women I am going to use thisn one each time it is mentioned that iI should put the seat down.

The other one that works is to say you will stop lifiting the seat and just try to pee accurately - this has the effect of making them paranoid that you might have been less than accurate and  wet the seat. They then have to clean it before every use  - far more onerous than lowerng the seat.  They quickly see lowering the lid is preferable

[Luddite]

6.  YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.  IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.  IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7.  IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Brilliant!   

This pretty much covers my entire approach to technology and DIY. 

I tend to judge the design of technology and machines against the design of a hammer.

Pick up a hammer and you immediately know how to use it.  No training, no manuals, no fiddling on.

Any technology that falls short of 'the hammer test' is badly designed and should be subject to the perfect designs of my hammer.

[Sandinista]

For number one.....If you've used the most super-sharp kitchen knife and put it in the washing up bowl...Don't forget it's in there under the suds and don't try and pick it up by the blade.
I speak from experience.  
Cheers - Phil.

I used to run a works canteen, often we would have temp staff in doing the washing up and they would always do this. I lost count how many times i lost my rag over this 

[Leon]

Very good!   

[ronan]

Pick up a hammer and you immediately know how to use it.  No training, no manuals, no fiddling on.(...)

I'm still able to handle it on the wrong side !

[sebigboss79]

1.  AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2.  AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3.  FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.  REMEMBER TO SET A TIMER.

4.  A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5.  IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES; THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6.  YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.  IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.  IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7.  IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Simple and effective!