Jokes

Started by Orcs, 21 October 2019, 10:42:07 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Last Hussar

Tell a New Yorker you spent the evening at the Met, and they will assume you saw a play.

Tell a Londoner you spent a night with the Met, and they will assume you were arrested...
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

Orcs

Jokes as poor as that you need to be arrested!.

Nobby! "chew his coat", "Yes even if he is wearing it"

 
The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Last Hussar

More of an observation.
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."
Franklin D. Roosevelt

GNU PTerry

FierceKitty

Judge: Your witness, prosecuting counsel.

PC: Miss Suzie Mae, you know why you are here, and who I am, right?

Witness: I sho' do. Have done these last forty years, and, boy, are yo' ever a disappointment to me an' yo' momma. Yo' ain't done one thing right since yo' was 15. Yo' only got through law school 'cos yo' poppa bought them a new dining hall. Yo' ain't niver gonna be anythin' mo' than a two-bit mouthpiece in a swamp town like this an' all.

PC: Be that as it may - you know who my learned colleague for the defence is, don't you?

Witness: I do, an' he ain't no better, cheatin' on his lady wife ev'ry Friday ev'nin' with them bitsa trash at Mike's bar. I'se embarrassed tuh be in the same courtroom wid yo'  two losers.

Judge: Both counsels, approach the bench, if you would be so kind....(sotto voce) If either of you clowns asks her if she knows who I am, I'll send you up for twenty years hard labor, is that clear?
I don't drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.

d_Guy

Less a joke and more a scene from our legal system.
Encumbered by Idjits, we pressed on

Raider4

I assume Americans would struggle with the British phrase "I could murder an Indian tonight".

Or "Can I bum a fag please?". 

d_Guy

Quote from: Raider4 on 15 February 2025, 07:06:30 PMI assume Americans would struggle with the British phrase "I could murder an Indian tonight".

Or "Can I bum a fag please?".

Maybe. Those who have "BritBox" streaming to perfect their English, likely not. :D
Encumbered by Idjits, we pressed on